Aftermath
by xoxoxo
Summary: What happens next? Hmmm. The possibilities. Speculation for Season 3. Angsty JAM. Please stick with me. It starts off badly but let's just see where it ends. If you'd be so kind, please R&R. Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - Don't own The Office, it's characters or dialogue.**

_A/N: I feel the need to post a little Lost & Found item:_

_LOST – The capacity to eat, sleep, drink, think, breathe, or pretty much contemplate anything but the impending romance (or lack thereof) of two television characters who star in a show that is currently on summer hiatus. _

_My birthday's in September. I'm reaching one of those scary ages – an age when, based on the report on the Today show this morning – I'm closer to getting killed by a terrorist than I am to getting married. _

_And you know what is even scarier? I am still absolutely **dying** for it to get here._

_Damn American Idol. If only it was still on I'd be watching TV instead of chained to the computer._

_Hang tight. This one's going to be much more angsty – and - again…a bit different. Not so sugary sweet and…tidy. Plus it's full of total speculation for Season 3. _

_Who knows if it'll work out this way but until we know for sure, just…enjoy!_

**Aftermath**

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."

Oh. My. God. Jim pulls the phone from his ear and stares at it in shock. He can't believe he's been so incredibly stupid. He's called the switchboard. It's the first time in four months he's done that.

"Hello?" Her voice sounds confused by the silence she's greeted with. "You've reached Dunder-Mifflin. Can I help you?"

You made the mistake, just deal with it. Jim takes a steadying breath before he says. "Hey…Pam…"

At the sound of his voice her face turns ashen and she's lost the capacity to speak.

"I'm…" Jim sighs. "I'm trying to reach Michael."

"Sure." She says curtly and places him on hold.

"_Pam_." He says desperately, only to have some cheesy music blaring in his ear as a reply.

The line clicks again and he hears her voice shaking. "Go ahead for Michael."

And just like that…she's gone.

He pulls the phone away from his ear as Michael bellows. "Jim-in-y Cricket! How's Connecticut treating you?"

"It's great, Michael." Jim replies with a roll of his eyes. Some things **_never_** change.

"Good, good." His voice fills with concern as he asks. "No more talk of downsizing then, huh?"

Jim shrugs and leans back in his chair. "You never know. I'm just taking each day as it comes."

"That'd be something. I mean if you moved all the way over there and then lost your job. That would be…pretty tragic." His voice softens as he adds. "Almost as tragic as you and the you know…"P" situation."

He can't do this today. Not after hearing her voice. Jim quickly tries to change the subject. "Michael, I just wanted to go over some quarterly sales reports with you. Did you get my fax?"

He can hear paper shuffling and then the phone clanging, as if Michael tossed it down on the desk. Even though the sound is muffled he can still hear every word.

"Hey there…Schmamela? Is there a fax there for me from a Mr. James Halpert? You know **_the_** one and only James Halpert? Formerly of Scranton, now residing in the Stamford office?"

Jim cringes because he can picture her face. Her mouth set in a firm line and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He can see her sitting there, not moving from her chair, holding the pages out for Michael to grab.

"Thank you very much." He hears Michael say in a sing-song voice as he picks up the phone again.

"Ouch." Michael winces as he gazes the numbers in front of him. "This doesn't look good."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

There's a knock on his office door and his head pops up. His mouth forms into a smile on reflex. But today, after talking to Pam, it just doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"Hey."

"You're slacking Jim. It's almost twelve-thirty. Are you ready for lunch?" A lilting voice asks.

Jim glances at the clock and then back at the woman before him. The thought crosses his mind before he can stop it. She's so different than Pam.

They are absolutely nothing alike. Becky is only about four inches shorter than him and wears her hair in a swingy blond bob. Today she's dressed all in black with a shiny pair of red heels. Her eyes are smoky and sultry and there's nothing at all innocent about her.

And he thinks, not for the first time, that this fact is exactly what he likes about her.

"Sure. I'm ready." He says as he stands up and follows her out to the park across the street.

They settle on a bench and she looks at him thoughtfully. He's been so quiet today. She spears a mouthful of lettuce before she says softly. "So. What's going on? Something happen this morning?"

Jim sighs. She's nothing if not direct. "What makes you say that?"

She gazes at him thoughtfully. He's not such a complicated guy. He's pretty easy to read. "It's that…look in your eye, and my highly tuned HR skills. You talked to someone in Scranton didn't you?"

"Yeah." He nods and takes a bite of his sandwich.

Becky won't give up easily. "Did you talk to someone or _someone_?"

"Becky."

She's trying to act stronger than she actually feels as she drops her fork and stares at him, her mouth gaping open. "Shut up. You called her?"

"I didn't mean to…" He protests.

"You. Called. Her." She says, in complete shock.

He gives her a look. "Again. To reiterate. I didn't mean to. I was calling Michael, and I dialed the switchboard…accidentally."

She shakes her head at him. "Nice try. There are no accidents. Paging Dr Freud..."

"Becky." Jim gives her an exasperated look.

She takes another bite of salad and leans closer to him. "How did she sound?"

How did she sound? Jim thinks to himself. She sounded angry, hurt and pretty much devastated, but as easy as it was to talk to Becky, he wasn't about to share that. She already knew too much anyway. Ever since that night four months ago, when the whole office went out for drinks to welcome him and many, many, _many_ beverages later he had found himself in her bed.

He had to hand it to her. She'd been a good sport. He was sure for half of the night he'd babbled like a baby about the girl he left behind.

The other half of the night, they didn't do much talking at all.

The next day, instead of it being awkward, it was surprisingly easy. Turns out Becky didn't ask for any more than Jim was willing to give her and for that he was thankful. Since then, they'd spent a few more nights together, sans alcoholic beverages. There were times, occasionally, when he almost thought that maybe he could possibly, hypothetically, learn to love her a little.

But it wasn't so easy. Especially on a day like today, when another woman filled his mind completely.

"She sounded okay." He replies, unable to keep the sorrow from filling his voice. "She clearly wasn't happy to hear from me."

"It's OK that you miss her." Becky whispers.

"Yeah." He can feel himself choking up and he doesn't want to do it. Not out here, in the park, in broad daylight. He raises hisface to the sky and hopes that she simply thinks that the sun has gotten in his eyes, hence his squinting.

"It really is." She says then, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Yeah." He takes another bite of his sandwich as he looks over at her again. "Thing is, when I heard she had postponed the wedding I was sure she would call."

Becky has heard this all before. Just recently, much to her surprise, her heart has begun to hurt a bit when he brings it up. "I know."

"But..." He sighs and rolls his paper napkin into a ball. "…she didn't."

He gazes at Becky again, and is struck by the way the sunlight makes her hair glint like gold. Maybe it was time to finally start to move on. Temporarily pushing thoughts of Pam from his mind he leans close and presses a quick kiss to her cheek. "Ready to head back?"

"Sure." Becky nods as she tosses the empty container in the trash next to her. Despite how tough she can talk she can't keep the smile from spreading across her face when Jim grabs her hand and they cross the busy street back to the office.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Slumped in a chair in the ladies room, Pam's head won't stop pounding. It hadn't since she'd heard his voice. It was just typical. She thinks with a sigh. Just when she thought she'd gotten stronger the rug was pulled right out from under her.

_Again._

She couldn't deny that she'd been waiting for him to call. She'd been so sure it would happen. Since the day she'd called off the wedding she would go home every night, sit by the phone and will it to ring.

A week went by and she was positively giddy. He had to just be hearing the news. She knew he'd definitely call her now.

Two weeks and she began to think, maybe he's waiting, and maybe he's asking to be transferred back to Scranton so he can surprise her.

Three weeks and she began to get nervous. Why wasn't he here yet? He had said that he loved her. She didn't understand. Now that she was free she was sure he'd come running back.

Four weeks and she was forced to admit it. Things didn't go at all like she'd planned. She began to see things the way they really were.

He'd already been gone by the time she'd given Roy his ring back.

He'd already been gone when she moved out and got her own apartment.

She was reminded every day that he was gone when she looked over at his desk and saw Ryan sitting there instead, cringing every time Michael called his name.

She had been so sure that once Roy was out of the picture Jim would be right there waiting for her.

She couldn't believe she'd been so wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: For inquiring minds – the scary age involves the number 30 (plus a couple extra.)_

_Hmmm. I gotta tell ya. I'm really not sure where I'm going with this. I'm just going to keep writing it as it comes._

**Chapter Two**

The days are long, the nights torturous. Jim keeps thinking it's got to get easier but it simply…doesn't. He knows now, just like he had when he'd gone to Australia there is no place far enough to make him forget her.

He wishes things were different. He wishes she'd just told him the minute her engagement ended. If she had he has no doubt they'd be together right now.

He sighs as he lets himself wallow in memories for a bit. Maybe he'd have been better off never saying anything. But he's pretty sure if he hadn't - she'd have ended up marrying Roy.

If there was anything he knew for sure, it was that Roy was completely wrong for her. And Jim can't help but think, even if she didn't think **_he_** was right, at least his declaration had accomplished that much.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Pam sits in the conference room, her arms crossed in front of her chest. For the millionth time since he left, she's silently cursing Jim for leaving her here all alone.

It's not just that he's not here with her. She knows that they were never actually a couple. That's not even what she misses most. It's the way he always took the time to listen to her - no matter what the subject. It's the way he kept her entertained eight hours a day.

Without him, it's simply unbearable - for more reasons than one.

She's so angry with him. For so many things. How could he not even try to reach out to her? He's the one who's gone, she's still right where he left her.

The only thing she knows for sure is this. Even if his feelings for her have changed he was still her best friend and that was not something easily replaceable.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Jim hits the delete key again. It's been more than two weeks since his legendary misdialing and he still can't get her off his mind.

Not that this fact makes this day any different. He pretty much thinks about her a good portion of the time anyway.

His fingers hang over the keyboard and he's silently willing himself to not care that he had been waiting for her to make the first move. C'mon. He scolds himself. Just have the balls to send it.

Rubbing his hands over his eyes in frustration, he sits up in his chair again and begins to type.

_Pam – _

_I hate that this is so damn awkward. I hate that I can't even send you an email without analyzing every freaking syllable. So – if any of this sounds weird…or…like something Michael would say then please accept my apologies in advance._

_This new job is freaking me out. Someone here called me Mr. Halpert yesterday and I actually looked around to see if my Dad was standing behind me. What the hell does that mean? Do I have an actual career now? And does it **really** involve selling paper? _

_If so, how **sad **is that?_

_This place is much different. We actually work here, well…most of the time. And I can't help but miss those days that Michael would get some insane idea and take us all along for the ride. _

_Wow. That is even **sadder**. Can it be that I actually miss him too? _

_I guess I really wanted to say that it was great to hear your voice the other day. Even if it only was for a second. I've gotta say, I've missed it. _

_Actually, I should get to the point. If I'm being honest, I've just missed you. _

_I sit at my desk and look up sometimes and I'm severely disappointed because all I can see is my office door._

_  
Oh yeah. It's true. I have a real office. With a door. And I'm begging you. **PLEASE** tell Dwight. You know how it'll drive him crazy. I love that I might still be able to do that via remote. _

_(Speaking of Amish Beet Farmers - Did one you know happen to recently start receiving a certain magazine at work?) _

_I just want to say that no matter what has happened, or really - what hasn't – the next time I call the office I think it might be nice to just talk to you for a bit. I mean…if you even want to or…if you wouldn't mind. _

_Stamford may only be about a hundred miles away from Scranton but not talking to you makes it seem a million times further._

_Jim_

He reads it over once, twice, oh maybe twenty or so times. Finally his finger hovers over his mouse and he shuts his eyes tightly. He takes a deep breath and clicks send.

There. It's done. He thinks with a sigh.

Now it's her turn.

_Again._

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

There's a little chime that comes through Pam's speakers signaling that she has mail. Rolling her eyes, thinking it's an inane email from Michael, she minimizes her Sudoku puzzle. It's when she sees who it's actually from that her heart stops.

**To: Pam Beesly**

**From: Jim Halpert**

**Re: This sucks.**

With watery eyes she reads his words and tries to take them for what she thinks they are - an attempt to keep things civil between them. It's what he doesn't say that she really notices.

Not once did he mention the fact that he's supposedly in love with her.

She shouldn't be surprised. She's never had the guts to say those words herself.

She had always thought that he already knew. Even if she never actually told him.

She ponders just deleting the message but she can't do it. For all intents and purposes, they are adults after all. Adults who met while working at an office that runs more like a kindergarten but who's keeping score?

Pam's suddenly ashamed to realize she's been acting like a love struck teenager. Jim said he loved her but apparently he's over it. And on a good day she thinks she would have ended things with Roy anyway. She half believes it, but at the moment she's beyond caring that she might be lying to herself.

Things happen. Life goes on. It's time she acted like a grown up.

Jim writes like he talks, she sighs and her mouth forms into a smile. It's something she's forgotten since he left. She can practically see his facial expressions in her mind when he tells her about his new office and talks about Dwight and Michael. Her fingers shake but she can't help herself from hitting the reply button. She takes a deep breath and writes the first thing that comes to her mind.

_Dear Jim – _

_I think it's only fair to let you know that Dwight has built a kind of shrine to you. It's almost sweet, really. He's got a little collection of things you left in your desk perched on a shelf. _

_He lovingly dusts it twice a week. _

_I, on the other hand haven't even really noticed you're gone. Ryan sits at your desk now and I swear for the first few weeks I simply thought you shrunk. But then I noticed he only eats the orange jellybeans every time he comes up to my desk and I remembered how much you hate them. _

_That and the jellybeans are right at his eye level._

_Oh alright. I'll admit it. I miss you too._

_The fact that you aren't here does suck. And the fact that we haven't talked sucks even more. This seems so weird to even be…typing…but you're right. It's been way too long so here goes… _

_I'm not going to pretend you don't know by now that I called off the wedding. Roy took it badly, as you can probably imagine. For a while he kept trying to do things to get me to reconsider but I finally got him to listen. It's not what I want anymore. _

He's not what I want anymore, she thinks as she closes her eyes. What I want is **_you_**. She wants to type the words but she can't make herself do it. Not yet. She's too scared of what that might mean, of putting herself out there like that. She wishes she had more courage but writing just this much is taking all she has right now. She sighs a bit as she continues on, trying to keep things light.

_And also, if I went through with it? My name becoming Pamela Anderson? C'mon. How could I possibly have done that to myself?_

_Let's see. What else is new? Oh. I started taking an art class once a week and I love it. I missed the summer internship but Jan called and mentioned another one that starts in October. I'm definitely considering it. _

_I mean you've totally got me thinking. If you got yourself an office just by moving two states away, what could be waiting for me? The luxury of only having to answer my own phone calls? _

_It's the little things, Jim._

She takes a deep breath, not quite as brave as she's pretending to be. She bites her bottom lip as she writes this next.

_Talking would be great…but…maybe we could just write back and forth for a bit instead? I don't know. I think it might be easier. I'd hate for us to have to sit through some uncomfortable silence or God forbid risk the chance of Dwight trying to listen in._

_I don't know…it's just a thought. _

_Have a good day, Mr. Halpert. (Oh. Jim. That wasn't for you. Could you please give your Dad a message for me? Thanks.)_

_Pam_

_PS: OMG! Re: Dwight. YES! I took one look at that magazine and thought you were behind it. You are a sick, sick man. Brilliant - but sick._

_PPS: You? Sounding like Michael? Bite your tongue._

Before she can chicken out she reaches for her mouse.

There. It's done. She thinks as she hits send.

Now it's his turn.

_Again._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I'm such a sucker. Really. Despite all my angsty talk I still want them together so badly I can't seem to help myself. Even with that, there's still a few twists and turns to come I'm thinking. _

_We shall see. :)_

**Chapter Three**

Becky sat at her desk, idly chewing on the end of her pen. She could tell something had changed. He no longer had that vacant look in his eyes. He smiled more. He was suddenly…happier. At first she thought it was because he was finally letting go a bit, that he might be moving on. To her surprise, she'd come to realize that if that was the case, she was ready.

Becky was a smart girl. She'd always prided herself on that fact. And she wasn't convinced that her theory was right. She was having trouble figuring out what was going on here.

Jim Halpert had taken her completely by surprise. She'd been shocked at how much she'd begun to care for him. He was not at all like the other guys she dated. Dated. Hmm. That didn't seem right. Could you even categorize what they were doing as "dating?"

If she really thought about it, they hadn't done anything – let alone date - in a while.

As if on cue Jim wanders over and smiles, asking her if she's ready for Happy Hour. She nods and grabs her coat and purse and follows him to the door.

Ironic, wasn't it? She couldn't help but think. Look what you've gotten yourself into. You thought you were going to help him get over her. She sighs heavily as she shakes her head. Now who's going to help you get over him?

xoxoxoxoxo

Still smiling widely at something Jim had just written, Pam moves towards the parking lot, fumbling for her keys. As she drops them and bends down to pick them up, she's suddenly eye level with a scuffed pair of boots. She knows exactly who they belong to.

"Hey Pammy." Roy whispers.

"Hi." She shakes her hair back off her shoulders as she moves to stand.

She looks at him quizzically. She knows the look in his eye. He looks almost guilty.

"You look…good." He says as his eyes roam up and down, over every inch of her.

She'd always hated when he looked at her like that. And it was worse now. Pam pulls her coat tighter around her. "Thanks."

He is still standing there, blocking her path. "So. What's new?"

"Not much." She shrugs. She stares up at him, wondering what he wants exactly. Finally, she can't take it any longer. "What's going on with you Roy?"

He looks at his feet. "I um…I just wanted to tell you, you know – in case you happen to hear it around town. I'm, uh. I'm kinda seeing someone."

Pam's eyes fly open wide. "Oh." When she can finally find her voice she adds softly. "That's…great."

"Yeah. It's kind of funny." He says, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck as he tilts his head. "You know that girl Halpert took on the cruise? Katy? We sorta hooked up last weekend."

"The purse girl…" Pam mutters under her breath. Figures. She pastes a smile on her face as she gazes up at him. "That's great Roy."

"Yeah?" It wasn't exactly the reaction he was hoping for. He'd kind of hoped that maybe it would make her jealous or something. He'd be happy if she was. Even a little.

"She's…great. I'm really happy for you." She adds with a nod.

He looks down at her and hates that he needs to know. "So. What about you? You seeing anyone?"

She shakes her head. "No, Roy. I'm not."

In a way he wishes she was. He somehow thinks it'd be easier to know that she ultimately preferred someone else over him. It killed him that she'd rather be alone.

"No one?" He hates that he needs to ask again.

Thoughts of Jim flash through her mind. She wishes she could give a different answer but instead she hears herself say. "No. Right now, I just need some time for myself."

"Yeah. You said that." He replies bitterly, remembering all she'd said when she ended things between them.

She doesn't want to do this. Not again. She starts to move towards her car. "I'm sorry. I've got to get going. I have somewhere I need to be."

Roy shrugs. "Sure."

Pam gazes over at him once more. "I hope she makes you happy, Roy." She calls out to him as she climbs into her car.

"Yeah. Thanks." He says sadly as he makes his way to his truck.

She watches him drive off and is reaching for her phone before she can stop herself. She's dialing before it even registers.

"'Lo." Jim's voice sounds distracted, and there's a ton of noise in the background.

"Hey." She whispers.

In a split second, he's no longer distracted. His eyes are opened wide and his heart begins to pound. "Hey." He strains to hear her. "Hold on…give me a minute."

A few seconds later it's much quieter as she hears his voice again. "Hey. What's the matter?"

She's a bit put off by his question. "What makes you think something's wrong?" Pam asks.

His mouth twists in a half smile. "Oh I don't know. Maybe the fact that you're calling me after I haven't spoken to you in over four months."

"We've spoken." She says defensively.

He sighs. "We've written. It's different. Now. Stop avoiding the subject. What's going on?"

"Nothing." She replies.

"OK." Jim realizes he's not going to get an answer out of her, at least not yet. He decides to try another tactic. "If we're not going to talk about it, then tell me something else."

"OK." She agrees.

"How about an update? Have you been keeping track?" He asks her then.

"Yes. And I'm telling you – it's crazy. I think Dwight's going to propose soon."

The idea of Dwight getting married sends fear sneaking up his spine. "No way."

"Yes way. He's been asking me all sorts of questions. I can't believe it. He even asked if I still had the ring Roy gave me." She shakes her head. "Do you think he'd do that? Give her a ring that belonged to someone else?"

"There is nothing I think Dwight wouldn't do." He shivers. "And I do mean nothing…"

There's a pause before she blurts out. "Roy's seeing someone."

So there it is. Jim leans up against the window in front of the bar. He smiles and waves when he sees a bunch of people from the office heading for home.

"Ah ha." Is all he can reply to that.

"Yeah…He's umm. He's seeing…Katy."

That was something he should have seen coming. "Katy."

"Yeah. Apparently." She says, annoyed that it's bothering her so much.

It was harder than he expected. He was having trouble easing back into this role. To being the one she came to when something happened with Roy. "And how do you feel about that?"

"It's fine. He can see whoever he wants. I just…I mean. Katy?" She says as if she still can't believe it.

He takes a deep breath and tries to find the words to comfort her. "This is not surprising. C'mon, Pam. You need to keep in mind that I happen to know Katy."

"I know that." She says, even more annoyed now that she's reminded that Jim had dated her too. Maybe that's what's really bugging her, she suddenly thinks. The fact that both Jim and Roy have chosen Katy over her, at one time or another.

"And I know she's about as deep as a wading pool." He replies.

She bursts into laughter. "Jim."

"It's true." He continues. "The lights are on, but, sadly, no one is home. This is a good thing, Pam. I think they are a great match."

"You do?" Pam asks.

"Yeah. Let's break it down shall we? He loves watching football, she loves cheerleading. He loves snorkel shots, she used to be a shot girl at Hooters..."

Pam's jaw drops. "She did **_not_** work at Hooters."

He narrows his eyes. "Would I lie to you, Beesly? I've seen her in action. Holsters of tequila and all."

"Jim." She laughs louder.

He's on a roll now. "It's a match made in heaven. She'll be perfectly happy serving hot wings and nachos while he and Darryl check out the game. And it's nice. 'Cause she still has the uniform." He adds, smiling widely. "Come to think of it – it's ideal. Roy'll never have to go out to a restaurant – and I use that term loosely - ever again. You know how he hates that."

He wants to keep hearing her laugh. Her laugh is his favorite sound in the world.

"You can't be surprised Pam. Katy's biggest dilemma each day is which purse to carry. Roy's biggest is which bar to go to after work. Anything more complicated is out of their realm. It's absolutely perfect."

She keeps giggling on the other end and Jim wishes, more than ever, that she was standing right there with him.

"Feeling better?" He asks her then.

"Much." She replies with a smile.

"Good." He nods.

There's another pause but it's not at all uncomfortable. It's kind of just like they are taking a second to just enjoy each other's company.

"God Jim. I really miss you." The words are out before she can stop herself.

He tries to keep his heart from soaring at the sound of her words but it's impossible. Get a hold of yourself Halpert, he scolds himself in his mind. She said she misses you, not she loves you. There's a difference.

"I miss you too." He says softly. "Every day."

"Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?" Pam makes herself ask.

He shakes his head as he answers. "I'm, umm. I'm not sure. My parent's might just come up here. They haven't seen my new place yet."

She tries to stifle her disappointment. "Oh. OK."

He can't stand the way her voice sounds. He rushes to add. "But it's not written in stone. It's still a couple months away." We'll see."

"Yeah." She says softly, trying not to get her hopes up. "We'll see."

Pam glances at the clock on the dashboard, suddenly realizing she's late for class.

She's still reluctant to end the conversation as she says. "Oh God. I'm sorry, Jim. I've got to go. My class started ten minutes ago."

The fact that she mentions her class makes him happy. He's glad that she's doing something for herself for once. "It's OK. Go on. Go to class."

"Thank you for…you know…everything." She says awkwardly. "You made me feel much better."

"Happy to be of service." He says quietly.

"Have a good night." Pam whispers, still unable to make herself hang up.

"You too."

"Bye Jim." She's stalling and she knows it.

He doesn't want to let her go either. "Bye Pam."

"Talk to you soon." She sighs before she finally makes herself close her phone.

Jim stands there alone, staring at his phone, a smile forming over his face before he can stop it. He heads back inside and grabs a beer, finally able to enjoy himself for the first time in months.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Writing Jim with another woman feels like a betrayal. Honestly. I get mad at myself even as I'm typing. But it looks like what Becky's selling - Jim ain't buying anymore._

_So at least that's something. ;)_

_And she's not all bad. She's got some good ideas._

_Jim should listen to her. (:_

**Chapter Four**

Email was quickly becoming Jim's best friend. It was perfect. It was as if Pam was sitting right across from him again, just like he was back in the old office.

Which, sadly, he actually missed more than he cared to admit.

He smiles at her latest report about Dwight and Angela, cringes when she tells him about Michael harassing her about Jan, laughs out loud at just the way he can practically hear her voice through the monitor.

They hadn't talked in person since she called him a week ago, lamenting the fact that Roy had moved on. And in a way, he honestly preferred simply writing to her. How else could he talk to her all day long?

He starts to respond to her latest email and suddenly stopped short. The image of Roy and Katy prompted another question. What type of guy would Pam eventually move on with?

The only thing he knows is that it would obviously not be him.

As he reads her words he's vaguely aware that he keeps waiting for a hint, a clue as to how she felt, if she has any feelings for him at all. The feeling is achingly familiar. It's suddenly like he was right back in Scranton, watching her with Roy.

Actually, it was almost more torturous this way, miles away from her, just imaging who would be the lucky guy.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Jim starts to type again, but his heart just isn't in it. He closes his email and picks up the phone. It was time that he got some work done anyway.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Pam wanders into her apartment, yawning as she kicks off her Keds. She is surprised by how much she enjoys living alone.

She only has to cook for one, and some nights, like this one, she decides not to cook at all. She eats ice cream right out of the carton - and that's her dinner. And she has the remote all to herself.

Practically every night she quickly changes into pajamas and curls up on the couch, sipping a glass of wine. When she clicks on the TV, it's more for company than anything else. And like every other night it takes a record three seconds for her thoughts to turn to Jim.

She'd missed him today, more than usual. She'd emailed him right before lunch but he hadn't replied. He must be busy.

Despite the fact that his new job took him so far away, she was proud of him. Really, really proud. She knew he must be doing so well. She had always known that his talents had been wasted in Scranton. Jim, as much as he would not want to admit it, was a born salesman. He was honest, genuine, trustworthy, and funny. Everyone loved him. It made his job easy.

Everyone loves him. Pam thinks with a sigh. What is not to love?

It was actually better that they didn't talk much today. Because today, she had found out something that made her so giddy she was afraid she might burst. Jan had called and let her know that she had an interview - for the graphic design internship. Which, as luck would have it, was in the Stamford office. In just two weeks she'd be able to see him. In person. She had decided not to tell him she was coming. She could hardly wait to surprise him.

Pam lays her head down on the arm of the couch, sighing as her eyes begin to grow heavy.

She drifts off to sleep, the television droning on, and when she begins to dream, as usual, she dreams of him.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

That night Jim ends up at Becky's because frankly she's…there. And being with her is not at all complicated. It's always been simple. And simple is exactly what he needs right now.

"That was great." Jim says as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

"The best take out money can buy." Becky laughs as she moves to clear his plate.

"I thought you said you'd be making me dinner." He laughs back.

"Trust me, if I'd cooked you'd have been taking life into your own hands." She takes a long sip of her wine as she crosses the room and sits down on the floor next to him. Her voice turns into a husky whisper. "It's safer this way."

He smiles slightly as he plays with the stem of his wineglass. With a gleam in her eye, she reaches over and tugs on his tie.

"Hey." She says softly as she leans closer to him.

"Hey." He whispers back.

Before she can stop herself, her lips touch his gently, then a little more urgently. And even though he barely moves, almost immediately she can feel him pulling away.

He sighs and turns his head. He can't be sure what's going on but right now this…thing? It's not working for him anymore. Since he began talking to Pam again he can't block her from his mind. His hand moves to thread through Becky's hair and it's not what he's expecting. It's too…short, it's too…straight. She simply doesn't feel…right.

Suddenly, he's back in the office in Scranton, watching Pam as she leans against the desk, twisting the cord of his phone in her fingers. She looked…amazing and for the second time that night he leapt before he looked, not at all caring that she'd just seemed to reject him.

When he saw her standing there he was unable to stop himself as his arms reached out and drew her close.

It was an absolutely incredible feeling. Finally getting another chance to feel his lips on hers, to taste her, to breathe in the scent the she wore. He remembers it now and shuts his eyes tightly.

It had ultimately lasted only a few seconds, but he'd be damned if it wasn't the best few seconds of his life.

Pam's skin smelled soft and clean, like fresh cut grass or a maybe a field of wildflowers. He's never actually been in a field of wildflowers but that's the image it puts in his mind. He basks in the memory and tries to keep himself from remembering the rest of the night, and how it had taken such an incredibly bad turn.

Slowly returning back to the present, his stomach starts to turn when he buries his face in the crook of Becky's neck and gets a whiff of her perfume. It's all wrong. It's too spicy, too sultry, too…much.

More than anything it was simply not Pam.

As she sits back on her heels, she's more disappointed than she cares to admit. "Jim? What's going on?"

"Hmmm?" He replies, distracted.

Becky clears her throat and says words she doesn't truly feel. "We have a good thing going here don't we? No strings - remember?"

"Yeah." He shifts so he's a nearly a foot away from her now. "I remember."

This isn't how tonight was supposed to go, she thinks with a sigh. Becky stifles her pride and stares at him. "She's not here." She leans close again. "I am."

Pam may not physically be there, but that statement is far from true.

His hands are pushing her back. "Becky. Stop."

She's frustrated now, in more ways than one. Annoyance fills her voice as she shakes her head at him. Not willing to give up so quickly she moves closer still as she whispers. "Just…let it go."

"It's not that easy." Jim reaches over and slowly, deliberately, takes her hand off his thigh.

As he stands and walks to the other side of the room she bitterly replies. "It is that easy. You just won't let it be."

He realizes what a mistake he's made. He should have known better. This couldn't lead to anything good. He's ashamed that he didn't realize it before.

"I'm sorry." Is all he can think to say to that.

"No. I'm sorry." Becky stands and shakes her hair back, feeling guilty for pinning this all on him. She'd always known there was someone else.

She wasn't about to beg. She knew when to admit defeat. "I always knew it might end up like this. I knew how you felt about her - from the very beginning.."

His eyes are full of sadness as he gazes over at her, "I don't know. I keep thinking one day I'll wake up and be over her."

"Doesn't seem to be working out that well for you." She smiles slightly as she looks back at him.

"No." He chuckles bitterly. "Doesn't seem to."

"You need to tell her." Becky grabs her glass and drains the last of her wine, wishing it was something much stronger. "Because trust me, the next woman you get involved with might not be this understanding."

"I've already told her." Jim shakes his head.

"Tell her again." Becky shrugs. "Maybe she didn't hear you."

Jim wants to tell her that there is no way in hell Pam didn't get the message but he suddenly feels guilty and it dawns on him what's so wrong. He feels like he's betraying Pam - simply by talking about her with someone else.

"I should go." He says as he turns away and searches for his coat.

"Yeah. You should go." Becky replies.

He's out the door so quickly she can't even believe it. This girl must be something else, is all she can think.

As she watches the door close, complete and utter disappointment sneaks in and clamps down on her heart. Becky is suddenly insanely jealous because it must be so incredibleto have someone so completely...gone…over you like that. Someone so far gone that they block out anything and everything else. She wonders if she'll ever know what it's like to be on the receiving end of something like that.

"Lucky girl." She mutters under her breath as she sinks down on the couch and refills her wineglass. "Very lucky girl..."

xoxoxoxoxo

The sound of the phone startles her. Blindly her hand reaches out and she fumbles before finally managing to turn it on.

"Mmm. What? Hello?"

He winces when she answers. He'd needed to hear her voice so badly that he didn't even notice the time.

"Pam. Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. God, it's later than I thought."

"Jim..." She sighs heavily.

"Yeah. Go back to sleep." He whispers. "It's OK. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"_Jim._" She says again, her voice pleading a bit.

"Yeah?"

He can tell she's still not awake. Her voice is incredibly groggy. "I'm dreaming, right? You're not here?"

"Yeah. That's right." He smiles, imagining what she looks like, curled up in bed, her eyes full of sleep. "You're dreaming."

"It's a really good dream." She mumbles too low for him to hear.

"What?"

It's no use. Her reply is completely incoherent.

He's actually relieved. He wasn't even sure what he'd planned to say anyway. Jim smiles as he whispers, "Sleep tight, Pam."

He hangs up the phone and shuts his eyes and as usual when he does he can only see her.

This is crazy. Becky is absolutely right. He needs to do _something_. He just isn't sure what.

After all - he's already told Pam he loves her. Shouldn't that be enough?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Pam can't believe how nervous she is. The last time she was on a plane she was eight and going to Disney World. She and Roy hadn't ever taken a trip that they couldn't drive to.

She'd always wanted to go places. She's dreamt of exotic beaches and quaint European villages or…dipping her toes in the Pacific Ocean. She has a whole list and she's never crossed one thing off of it. It's like one day she woke up and decided to settle. There were so many things she'd wanted to do but didn't.

She'd been heartbroken and strangely jealous when Jim had told her he was going to Australia instead of her wedding. It was one of the things she'd remembered when she'd left Roy, the way she'd felt that day. She'd have loved to do something like that. She remembers the day Jim told her, and the way her heart silently screamed out to him, "Take me with you."

Instead, months later she was on a plane to New York. When she arrives she'll meet up with Jan to take the quick ride to Stamford. If she was being honest, that wasn't what made her most nervous. It's that Jim would be waiting for her when she got there.

The ride with Jan had been odd to say the least. Pam still felt like she didn't have anything in common with a woman like her. Plus there was that unspoken…thing…in the air - Jan's involvement with Michael - which was weird on so many levels.

Pam stands outside the door to the Stamford office. This was it. A single pane of glass was all that separated her from every dream she ever had. It was all that was keeping her from finally using her talent for something other than doodles during ridiculous office meeting and if she was really lucky, most important of all, Jim.

Her stomach is in knots, her palms sweaty. Her heart begins to beat frantically. She touches Jan's arm gently and whispers that she needs to use the Ladies' Room.

Once inside she leans her hands on the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror, suddenly worried that she was dressed all wrong. She'd varied from her trademark button down shirt and sweater combination, instead wearing a simple pink cardigan and a slim black skirt. She'd added a small string of pearls and her hair was no longer pinned back off her face, but was a loose mass of curls about her shoulders.

She bites her bottom lip and realizes her gloss had worn off. She barely ever wore makeup but today was a special occasion - for more reasons than one. As she searches her purse she hears someone coming out of one of the stalls. A pang of jealousy fills Pam's heart.

The woman next to her had the kind of look Pam had secretly envied her entire life. Her hair was sleek and…perfect. She looked so sophisticated Pam suddenly thought she paled in comparison.

Becky rinses her hands quickly and then reaches for a paper towel, sighing and taking a steadying breath. She turns towards Pam and gives her a weak smile.

"That's a great color on you." She says softly.

Pam runs her hand over her sleeve, blushing a bit. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Becky stares into the mirror and shakes her head, trying to talk herself into leaving. She had no idea why she felt the need to talk to a stranger but she's had a rough day. She's had a rough few weeks actually. She turns to Pam and says softly. "Would you like a bit of unsolicited advice?"

Unsure as to exactly what she was trying to say Pam hears herself whisper. "Sure."

"Don't get involved with someone you work with." She says bitterly as she tosses her paper towel into the trash. "Just…don't." Becky sighs as she eases away from the sink and out the door.

With shaky hands Pam reapplies her lip gloss. Becky's words were still ringing in her ears as she made her way back to the Reception area and off to her interview.

An hour later she knew she'd nailed it. She'd brought a small folder of drawings she'd done when she was in college and talked to them about the courses in graphic design she'd taken. They were so enthusiastic; she was all smiles when it was over.

Pam was giddy as she made her way back to Jan, who congratulated her and then announced that they'd be going to dinner with a group of people from the office, so she could get to know everyone. Of course, there was only one person Pam wanted to see - one that she already knew pretty well.

After being directed by the receptionist, with whom she exchanged a sympathetic smile, Pam slowly she moves towards his office, silently willing herself to calm down. Don't look too anxious, she cautioned herself, remember you're friends, just friends, just friends she whispers over and over in her mind.

She saw him through the window of his office seconds before she reached it. He was leaning back in his chair, his eyes to the ceiling. She knew that look on his face well. He was bored out of his mind but trying desperately to keep his customer from knowing. She'd watched that technique for three years. She could see and hear it loud and clear but the person on the other end of the line never suspected a thing.

Pam stood in his doorway, leaning against the doorjamb with her arms crossed in front of her. He suddenly senses her there and has to look over because he doesn't believe it. Finally, his eyes meet hers. His whole face brightens as he hurriedly finishes his phone call.

He doesn't give himself time to think. In seconds he bounds out of his chair and pulls her into his arms. "Pam." He whispers against her hair.

She is startled by his reaction. She didn't expect such a warm reception, not after how they'd left things the last time they were in the same room together. Tentatively her hands move up his back as she sinks into him, remembering the kiss he gave her all those months ago.

"Hi." She finally manages to find her voice.

"What? Where? How…" He stammers as he hugs her tightly against him.

"You forgot why and who." Pam giggles. She can't help herself.

"Well I certainly know where and who but yeah…why works." Jim smiles widely as he pulls away, still too overwhelmed to be conscious of the fact he'd just been holding her in his arms. "What's going on?"

He looks at her and it suddenly dawns on him. His eyes fly open wide and he grins madly. "The internship."

"Yeah." She says, her voice shaking a bit.

"You got it!" He says excitedly.

"Looks like it."

"It's here?" He asks in disbelief.

"Yeah." She smiles wider.

"That's incredible. That's great." He doesn't give himself time to contemplate what it would mean to work with her again before pulls her back into a quick hug. He gazes down at her as he pulls away, unable to keep the smile off his face. "God…Pam. It's so good to see you."

She clasps her hands together and sways a bit as she stands before him. "It's good to be seen."

"You look…" His eyes roam over her, but Pam is struck again how unlike Roy Jim was. When Roy looked at her that way she always felt a bit…dirty. But when Jim gazes at her like that it wasn't exactly innocent, but as if in honest appreciation of the effort she'd made. "…fantastic. Really, really…great."

What he really wants say is that she is unbelievably beautiful, but now that she's so close, he doesn't want to say anything that will push her away - even a little bit.

He needn't have worried, his words have her stomach doing somersaults. "Thank you." She blushes a deeper shade of pink than her sweater and averts her eyes.

"You're welcome." He says with a grin. He looks at her thoughtfully, his fingers reaching out and snagging a curl that had been resting on her shoulder before he can stop himself. "You did something different to your hair."

A shock runs through her when he touches her. "Yeah…I just….I was…I wanted a change…" She stammers to get the words out.

"I like it." Jim replies simply as he lets it go.

"Thank you." She says, blushing again.

They stand there in silence for a few seconds before Pam says softly. "I'm here with Jan. She says we're all supposed to go for dinner and drinks."

"Really?"

Please don't tell me you have plans. Pam thinks to herself as she begins to panic. Please, _please_. She looks up at him, her eyes quietly pleading. "You don't have plans do you?"

"None that I can think of." Jim replies. Before he can stop himself a voice in his head adds…and no plans I wouldn't break to spend time with you. He tries to ignore it as it gets louder. Don't do this. Don't let yourself be taken in again. Just…don't…

But it's useless, because now that she's within arms reach again, he is determined not to let her go.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

So this is her. Becky thinks to herself. The infamous Pam.

She's not exactly sure what to make of her. She's…plain. Average even. Not at all someone who she'd ever feel challenged by to be sure. One thing is obvious, Pam is small town, through and though.

Another obvious thing? She's completely, totally, head over heels in love with Jim.

It's so obvious Becky almost laughs, right there in the little bistro where her colleagues are alternatively trying to be on their best behaviour and trying to drink their weight in wine. She watches Pam and Jim carefully. It's almost like a movie. The stolen glances, the sexual tension hanging in the air like a fog. The two of them sitting there, both denying how crazy they are about each other is almost more than she can take.

All of the sudden, she's dying for a cigarette, though she hasn't smoked in years. "Excuse me." She whispers to Jan as she pushes away from the table.

When Becky softly brushes past him Jim finally notices. A thought pushes through his Pam induced haze. He gazes back at Pam and realizes she's engrossed in conversation. He gives her a little grin and stands up, slowly walking over towards the bar.

He finds Becky there, leaning seductively across it, trying to bum a cigarette.

"You don't smoke." He says softly.

"You don't know that." Becky replies, bitterness edging her voice.

"OK." Jim nods. "I get it. Still mad at me."

Becky flashes the bartender a grin as she holds the still unlit cigarette delicately. She turns back towards Jim, shaking her head vehemently. "Not mad. Not mad at all. I mean, how can I possibly be? Look at the two of you together."

"What that supposed to mean?" He gives her a confused look.

"You. And...pretty little Pam." Her voice is tinged with sarcasm."You two are perfect. Perfectly in denial." Becky said with a sigh.

Jim just stares at her, wondering what her point is.

She gratefully takes a sip of the gin and tonic the bartender places in front of her. "Do the world a favour. Get it over with. Just go over to there, pick her up, throw her over your shoulder and drag her to bed. That's what you want to do right?"

Images were flying though Jim's mind now. Visions of Pam. In bed. Visions of Pam in his bed. He couldn't deny Becky had hit the nail squarely on the head with that one.

He pushes the visions aside as he realizes Becky is still talking. "I get it. You don't want me anymore. You probably never wanted me. I knew it that night and I sure as hell know it now. Just let the rest of us out of our misery and tell her already. For Christ's sake, it's painful to watch."

"Becky…I'm sorry." Jim whispers. He felt terrible, honestly. He never meant to hurt her.

She shrugs it off as if it's nothing. "I'll survive." And because she was feeling spiteful she added. "Besides, I've had better."

"Have you?" A voice calls out from behind him.

Jim's face falls as he turns around to face Pam, his mind spinning as he tries to respond to her. It's no use. He's much too slow.

Pam stares him in the eyes, her gaze cold enough to shatter glass. She pushes past him and makes her way out the door as she says softly. "I wouldn't know."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I hope this chapter clears things up for some of you who were like "What?" at the end of the last chapter. As for what happens next - just so you know - I generally am at "T" rating writer. I don't expect the rating of this fic to change. Basically my rule of thumb is this. If I'm writing about a TV show I censor myself. No words or scenes we'd never see on TV. _

_Doesn't mean it won't be steamy - just not scorching hot. ;)_

_I am so incredibly busy at work it's not funny. Be grateful I'm so obsessed. _

_Until 7 - enjoy!_

**Chapter Six **

"Jim…" Becky begins.

"Don't." He warns her. If looks could kill she'd be dead now.

"I was angry…and disappointed. I honestly didn't see her there…"

Her words hang in the air as he pushes past her and out the door.

Jim was greeted with an unexpected surprise. It had started to rain. Not a downpour - just that slow, misty drizzle that was just enough to require an umbrella.

Perfect. He mutters as he looks left to right until he finally spots her two doors down, huddled under an awning.

He made his way over to her, heedless of the weather. His shirt is splattered with raindrops, but he couldn't care less.

"Pam." He whispers. "What are you doing? Come back inside."

"No." She says defiantly as she stalks past him and down the street.

He sighs and races off after her. "C'mon." He pleads. "Where are you going?"

"Home." She snaps and begins to walk away again.

"To Scranton?" Jim shakes his head and chases after her. "Are you planning on walking? Pam…" He finally got close enough to snag her arm.

"Maybe. No!" She yells loudly enough to stop two passers by in their tracks. As she rips her arm from his grasp she says through clenched teeth. "Don't touch me."

He lets her go, holding his hands up in front of him in surrender. "Sure. No problem. Piece of cake."

She stares at him incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that I'm good at that. Not…touching you. I'm an expert. I've had three years practice." Jim bitterly replies.

She stops in her tracks and her mouth drops open in shock. "Don't you dare…."

He gives her an identical look. "Don't I dare what?"

"Blame me for this."

"Why? Is there something wrong?" He says sarcastically. Months of pent up anger and disappointment quickly rise to the surface. It happens before it can even register.

Pam shrugs and gives him a disinterested look. "You tell me."

It bizarre that they are here again, out in the open, having one of the most intimate conversations ever.

All the giddiness and joy he'd felt today vanishes in an instant. He looks her square in the eye as he whispers. "OK. Hmm. I don't know. If I had to guess I'd think you were…jealous."

She looks at him and rolls her eyes. "You are nothing if not observant."

Unbelievable. She's engaged for three years but has the nerve to deny him some sort of relationship. She is something else. He gazes at her, unable to believe she's got enough gall to even confront him on this - let alone be angry. "You're jealous. Of Becky? Pam the thing between she and I…"

"No." Pam cuts him off sharply - not wanting to hear it at all.

"No?"

"No." She says as she shakes her hair back. "What I am is an idiot."

Jim can hear it then, loud and clear. The tone she used to get when Roy would shoot her down. "Don't do that. I hate it when you talk like that about yourself."

"Well the fact remains I feel like an idiot. I've been looking forward to this for weeks. I was so excited to see you." She says, her voice quivering.

His gaze and voice softens at her words. "It was a great surprise."

Her eyes are full of fire in an instant, "Yeah - well - the surprise is on me I guess."

Jimcan't believe how angry she is. He says the only thing that keeps repeating in his mind at the moment.

"Stop."

Pam is good and pissed. There's no holding back now. She chuckles bitterly at how she'd dreamed this night would go. She should have known better.

"No. You stop. It must be so easy for you here with your new life and your new job and your new girlfriend."

Jim shakes his head at her. "She - _is _not my girlfriend."

Pain fills Pam's eyes as he reveals that bit of truth. "Oh. Nice. So you just sleep with her. You are unbelievable Jim."

He looks at her in complete and total shock. She cannot be serious. "What did you want me to do Pam? Join a monastery?"

"No." Is all she can think to reply.

Jim barely heard her. In a way it felt better to release all this pent up emotion. He reaches out and grips her arm firmly but gently. "Might I remind you that you were engaged? I had to watch you with him for a very long time. Joking, talking about what you'd do to each other when you'd get home. Get it yet Pam? Not so much fun for me."

"So it's payback?" She looks at him in disgust. "Real mature Jim."

He feels the need to get it all out. He's done sitting here, pretending he doesn't love her, pretending he's OK.It's too much now. Knowing the truth, even finally ending it is better than this. No matter what the end result

He gazes at her, defeated. "No. It's not payback." His eyes are wild then, his voice frantic. He needs to get his point across because living like this is too torturous for words.

"You know me better than that. It's just me. Trying to do whatever I can to - Jesus...forget you for maybe like a half a second. Like that is even possible. Because when you gave me no reason to stay, I had narrowed it down to two options. Jump off a bridge and put myself out of my misery or take a new job and try and start over."

She doesn't know how to respond. All she can do is stammer. "I - I - I can't believe…I mean I really thought…"

Jim patience is razor thin. "What Pam? Spit it out. What did you think?"

She looks at him, tears spilling from her eyes as she whispers. "I really thought you'd have a harder time getting over me."

He gazes at her as he replies, his voice laced with pain. "Who said I was?"

"You are. It's incredibly obvious." Pam refuses to accept that he might still want her. It's too much, it's too painful. She looks back down the street, cocking her head towards the bar and…Becky as she adds. "She's…she's just…really beautiful, Jim."

His hands itch to touch her, but he shoves them in his pockets and takes a step closer to her. "Not nearly as beautiful as you."

Pam's off and running again, moving to another storefront further down this stretch of road. "Don't do that." She says as she rushes off.

He keeps chasing her. He can't help himself. "Do what?"

"Say things you don't mean." She spits back at him.

Jim's restraint is at a breaking point. "I **_never_** say something I don't mean. You - of all people - should know that by now." He says his voice dangerously quiet.

Pam gazes up at him, her arms hugged protectively around her. She forces herself to say the words. "You've moved on - I get it. It's…fine…."

He cannot even believe what is happening. "Are you actually doing this? Are you really making this about me?"

"What?"

Jim gazes at her - open mouthed. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that all this time you've been sitting in Scranton - waiting for me? Because I simply can't believe it. "

She blinks at him. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

His mind wanders back to that night. Suddenly he's back in the office, that fateful night, hearing those horrific words again.

_I can't Jim…it's too late…Stop. I can't...I've made all these plans…You don't understand...it's been so long and I feel like I owe him…I'm sorry. I can't...He's all I've ever known…._

He takes a step forward, his voice softening a bit as he answers. "Because Pam. When I told you I loved you I meant it. And you…you told me you couldn't."

"I know." She stares at her feet, unable to look at him. "I couldn't then….but…now…"

Jim can't take it anymore. She looks like she's about to collapse. His hands reach out to grab her by the elbows, keeping her steady, Just when he thinks there's a limit to how much pain he can feel he goes searching for more. "Now what? Pam huh? What? You changed your mind?"

She can't answer him directly. It's simply too much. "I - I…I needed time to think. There was so much to do. It wasn't easy for me, giving Roy up."

Images of Pam and Roy together are in the forefront of his mind now. "Yes. I know." Jim answers in mock sincerity. "Those Saturday night Monster Truck rallies are just so appealing."

Pam's back goes up, almost on instinct. "You don't like him. I get it. But don't joke with me. N-n-not about this. It was my life, he was my life - and my life was FINE. It was fine until you…."

Jim is completely exasperated now. He can't take any more.

"Until I **_what_**?"

Tears choke her voice as she gazes up at him. "M-m-made me love you."

He can't even form a full sentence as he looks down at her. "_Pam."_

She shakes her head in disbelief.. "I don't even know when it happened. It wasn't that night. It was way before. All I know is that it was like one day I woke up and I was out of love with him and in with you."

"I know what you mean." He says, under his breath. He pulls her closer as he whispers her name again. "Pam..."

She's moving away from him again, shaking her head over and over. "Things like that don't happen to me…you weren't supposed to happen to me…."

Jim tries to get her attention, but it's not so easy._ "Pam."_

Pam is still speaking, oblivious to his reaction. "It was hard but I did it. I left Roy and I waited for you. I was so sure you'd come back."

He'd been so caught up in her words the last time they spoke that it never occurred to him. "I'm sorry..." He began.

She didn't hear him. Tears are pouring down her cheeks now. "A-a-and you never did. You were just…gone…you barely said goodbye."

"I know. I just…I didn't know how." He whispers softly.

She gazes up at him, her eyes wide and full of hurt. "I waited for you. I was right here. This whole time.."

"Shh." He says softly trying to comfort her. " I'm sorry."

Pam wasn't about to stop. She couldn't keep herself from going on. "I didn't think I'd have to tell you. I was so sure you knew. You would look at me sometimes like you could see right through me. I thought you had to have known. I should have told you I guess - I just…"

Jim is so relieved he almost smiles. His arms begin to pull her close again. "Shhh." It's OK. Tell me now…"

It's easier than she'd imagined to finally say it. "I love you…" She whispers as she inches closer.

His arms are around her and her face is buried in his shoulder. He presses a kiss to her temple as he whispers. "There it is. Finally. "

"I'm sorry." She sobs, letting go at last.

Jim hugs her tighter as he replies. "Me too." .

They stand there, entwined in the muggy rain, holding each other close. They are both beyond exhausted but there is still more to be said. Jim lips form a smile as he quietly pleads. "Do me a favor? Say it again…"

It get easier still the second time. "I love you." Pam inches closer and buries her face in the crook of his neck, hugging him tight.

Her mouth roams over his face and she presses her lips to his desperately, his arms tightening around her, her body perfectly fitting into the contours of his. He can't even believe it. It's like they've gotten a chance to play the scene over, but this time the result is far different.

When he comes finally up for air he smiles against her lips as he whispers. "Just so you know…I'm never going to get tired of hearing that."

He eases back a bit and runs a hand gently over her cheek, brushing away her tears. "I love you too. I always will. I really tried to forget you." Jim says sadly as he dips his head again and kisses her deeply. His hand rests at the small of her back, slowly inching up under her sweater, unable to tell what's softer, the fabric or her skin. "I…just…couldn't…"

He didn't need to try half this hard. Pam can't be more responsive. She rises on her toes and sinks into him, their mouths are still joined in a fervent kiss. It's like three years all lead to this moment, the moment the lies fall away and all that is left is truth.

"I know…" She whispers as her hands reach up to thread through his hair, effectively keeping his lips on hers.

It should feel more weird, it should be more uncomfortable. Jim is shocked that there isn't a voice in his head screaming. _This is Pam…it's **Pam** for God's sake. Get a hold of yourself_.

But it was no use, because he knew, deep in his heart that he'd been waiting for this moment his whole entire life. To have it within arms reach was almost more than he could bear. And now - he fullyintends to never let her go.

He can feel her relax as he smiles down at her, joy replacing the numbing pain he'd felt for the last four months.

His mouth seeks hers and he kisses her furiously, as if one taste will never be enough.

Pam's head spins, she cannot even believe this is happening. She clings to him, her nails digging into his shoulders. _More._ She silently pleads to him as she kisses him back, her passion rising minute by minute. _Take me home with you. NOW. I want more. _

_"Please." _Is all she can manage as she pulls away. If she doesn't move from this spot soon she's sure her knees will give out.

"Oh my God. We just left them…" Pam finds it hard to catch her breath when Jim looks at her like that. She's out of luck, because he doesn't even know he's doing it. "We need to say goodbye." She thinks desperately as she realizes that they've been away for quite some time.

"They'll get over it." Jim replies as he tugs at her hands and moves towards his car, which as luck would have it is parked a few feet away.

"_Jim_." She says breathlessly as he twirls her around, pinning her up against the door.His mouth gently assaults hers, his intent perfectly clear.

"Still want to say goodbye?" He whispers against her lips challenging her.

"No." She sighs.

"Good." He flashes her a grin before helping her into the car. His hands shake as he attempts to start it three times before he can actually turn the ignition.

Her hand reaches over and gives his a squeeze and all his doubts disappear instantly.

"Ready?" He says softly, the one word charged with endless meaning.

Despite her anxiousness she hears herself reply. "As I'll ever be."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

She hogs the bed.

Jim almost laughs as he realizes where he is, and more importantly who he's with as he's clinging precariously to the edge of the mattress. She's so tiny - he knows exactly how tiny she is now that his hands have run over every inch of her - but it doesn't negate the fact that she's lying diagonally across his queen sized bed, oblivious to the fact that she's effectively pushing him out of it.

And he honestly couldn't care less.

She sighs and inches closer to him; her leg entwined with his, her hand resting on his chest, her head nestled on his shoulder. This was it. He thinks with a smile as his hand runs up and down her spine. This is what he'd been waiting for.

Jim gazes down at her as he tries to gain a little more territory. He lifts her gently as he moves over so that at least he can get both legs on the mattress. He sucks in a breath and holds still as she stirs.

"mmmm." Pam murmurs as her hand slides up to rest on his cheek. She buries her nose in the crook of his neck. "Jmmm."

Just perfect, he thinks as he smiles wider and closes his eyes again.

xoxoxoxo

She's afraid to open her eyes.

Pam knows exactly where she is and who she's with and the prospect of being conscious and having to actually deal with all this is paralyzing. At least she thinks it should be.

Her head is spinning because half of her is terrified and the other half is calmer and more at peace than she's been in…years.

With her eyes still closed her hand runs down the length of his arm. Her hand covers his and she feels him shifting, his fingers grasping for hers.

This is nice. She sighs as she smiles against his neck, relaxing enough to begin to drift off again. This is perfect.

xoxoxoxo

Jim can't get enough of looking at her. Her hair is curling wildly about her face, a result of having been soaked by the rain and drying naturally. He likes the way it looks and makes a mental note to tell her so. He reaches out and tucks a strand behind her ear, his fingers moving to trace the line of her jaw before running gently across her lips. Her lips…

He remembers last night, every minute, every second. He remembers the look on her face when she walked out of the restaurant, he'd felt like someone stabbed him straight through the heart.

He remembers the way she'd looked, standing out in the rain, how at some points he couldn't tell if she was crying or not, the raindrops mixed with her tears. The conversation they had was long over due and difficult as it was he'd do it all over again, if this was the end result.

He remembers the way she kissed him, the way her mouth was tentative and passionate at the same time. It was almost like when she'd kissed him back all those months ago except, better, sweeter, longer. He can already tell that the contradiction that was Pam would fascinate him for the rest of his life.

He didn't know if he'd ever figure her out completely but couldn't wait to try.

Jim remembers the drive home, how he'd sped through two traffic lights, reaching over to ensure she was alright when he stopped short a block away from his building.

He'd been afraid when they'd finally gotten there, that the moment had passed and he'd lost her again but when his hand brushed hers she'd linked her fingers with his, holding on tight. When they reached the door to his apartment she rose on her toes, her hands gripping his shoulders, her mouth fused to his. They stood there in the hallway as if in a trance, not noticing at all how much time went by.

He remembers finally getting the door open and how they spilled onto the couch. He remembers how it felt to peel her damp clothes from her skin and how she shivered as he did. He'd been scared then, that she was having second thoughts. He gazed at her and held his breath. His fears slipped away as he saw the look in her eye. She threaded her fingers through his hair and dragged his lips back to hers.

He remembers how they made their way to his bedroom, tripping over each other's feet in the process. He remembers how she looked as she lay back on his mattress and how he suddenly his fears fell away and he just enjoyed the moment.

She's here….with me, he whispers to himself in his mind. She's mine now.

xoxoxoxoxo

She didn't want to compare. She thought it was kind of…tacky. Maybe tacky wasn't the right word but it felt wrong to make a sort of checklist in her mind. Still she found herself doing it. Before tonight she'd only known Roy.

Jim's hands are softer, his touch more gentle, his mouth did things to her that made her tremble. He'd managed to find places she didn't know could make her breath hitch and her eyes blind.

He takes his time. He pays attention. Though her eyes are closed she can feel his on her, watching her every move. She pushes the thought aside, the prospect of being watched starting to make her nervous but then his voice would whisper softly in her ear.

I love you, Pam…He says over and over as his mouth skims across her skin. I love you….

xoxoxoxo

There were times throughout the night when she'd wake up and he'd be looking at her and they'd just begin to talk. He tells her how he'd felt when she hadn't called him when she'd left Roy, how he'd been waiting for her to, how he'd have come back in a second had he known for sure she'd wanted him.

She moves closer to him and lets him hold her tight. She kisses him and says she is sorry, but he needs to understand how scared she was. She couldn't stand the thought of putting herself out there and being rejected. He knows now that it's the truth and promises her she'll never know that feeling again.

They don't talk about what happens next. This is too much already.

Morning comes and the sun rises and stings her eyes. She leans up on her elbow and scolds him for not buying blinds, that the thin curtains over his windows were worthless. He teases her back, that if she's so concerned she can help him buy new ones. Before she can even stop to think she agrees.

Pam sits up and pulls the sheet around her laughing. Jim makes a comment about how on television or in movies the sheets look like they are L-shaped, covering the women from the chest down and men from the waist. She gives him a look that says "These are the types of things you actually contemplate?" But even as she does she knows the answer is yes.

It feels normal to pull on one of his t-shirts, to sit at the counter in Jim's kitchen and eat a bowl of cereal, to shower as he runs outside to fix the parking job he did last night, to move the two tires that were hanging recklessly off the curb. It feels normal to agree without protest when he drags her back into bed, her hair sopping wet and her skin still flushed from the steam of the shower.

This time is different, she's less self conscious, and when she loudly cries out his name he's both surprised and satisfied.

She keeps waiting for it to get weird but it doesn't. It feels normal to order pizza and eat it in bed. It feels normal for his hand to inch up her thigh and under the t-shirt she wears. It feels normal for her to plant kisses on his neck as they snuggle together watching movies. She knows now when she does that he moans a little. Even though it's a beautiful day outside they don't feel guilty at all.

The day starts and ends the same way, wrapped in each others arms, content at last.

xoxoxoxoxo

Pam doesn't want to leave. She stands in his living room in her wrinkled skirt and sweater, her eyes bright with tears. She can't make her feet move; she can't take her eyes off of him. He stands there and simply says. "Stay."

She knows it's not a bad idea. She'll be here in a few weeks anyway but part of her thinks she needs some distance. She's not scared anymore, she knows now that he loves her but she thinks she should take care of things at home before she moves on completely. The fact that he asks her to stay actually gives her the strength to leave him.

"It won't be long…" She whispers against his lips as he pulls her to him. "I'll see you next weekend. You'll just have to tough it out."

"It won't be easy." He replies with a grin. "…but I'll suffer through it."

She walks a few steps away and he follows. Her hand reaches out to grasp the doorknob. "Can I be the one to alert HR?" She says with a wicked grin.

"Of what?" He asks completely confused.

"Our relationship." She replies, deadpan.

Jim understands what she's saying now. Becky works in HR. He gives her a look as he follows her down the stairs and out to the street. "Wow. You're a little vindictive Beesly. Didn't know you had it in you." He can't help but smile at the fact that Pam wants to make a statement about what has happened between them.

"There's a lot you don't know about me." She says softly as he bends his head to kiss her again. He knows what she says is true and he can't wait to find out absolutely everything.

"I love you, Jim." She says with a sigh as he pulls away.

As he bundles her up and puts her in a cab he says to himself. "Now, _that _I know."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

They've fallen into a kind of routine. She'd drive up every weekend. He told her he'd drive to her but she liked Stamford. Jim suspected she liked that they were two hours away from her old life but he didn't bring it up.

When she arrived some nights Jim would whisk her off to dinner and some nights they'd miss dinner entirely. They've been able to slip into this so easily that they both agree it was a crime they'd wasted so much time.

One morning he walks into the kitchen and finds her crying, cereal spilling off the counter and onto the floor. Startled, he rushes over and pulls her close.

"You bought Cracklin' Oat Bran." She weeps into his shoulder.

He has no idea what was going on. He'd bought it because he knew she liked it. "Yeah…I thought you liked it." He pulls back and gazes into her eyes. "What's the matter?"

"No one's ever done that for me before. Paid attention to what I liked." She cries harder.

'No one' has become their euphemism for Roy. 'No one' used to not do a lot of things that made Pam happy. The more Jim finds out, the madder he gets for waiting so long to tell her how he felt. He can't stand the thought of her being so miserable for so long.

The fact that she'd gotten so worked up over breakfast makes him want to laugh. But he doesn't. Jim takes her into his arms again and whispers into her hair. "I'd have bought a case if I knew it'd make you this happy."

"You make me happy." She says with a watery smile as she reaches up to run a hand over his cheek. "_You _make me happy."

xoxoxoxo

He hangs up the phone and shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with laughter. Unbelievable. Jim turns to his computer and starts to type.

**To: Pam Beesly**

**From: Jim Halpert**

**RE: Your health**

_Pam -_

_OK. What the hell is going on there? I did not just get a phone call from Michael reminding me that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and asking if last weekend I'd had a chance to check you out and if so are you OK. _

_Seriously. Please tell me that did **not **just happen._

_Apparently he's very concerned about your health - as am I - so I guess this weekend I should conduct a thorough examination. You know, just to put Michael's mind at ease._

_How are things there? Anything else exciting going on? Tell me everything._

_I'm bored out of my mind. How many more days until I see you again? You don't need to answer that. I already know it's too many._

_Love you,_

_Jim_

He hits send and then takes a phone call. In the middle of his conversation his email chimes. He is already laughing as he hangs up the phone and opens it.

**To: Jim Halpert**

**From: Pam Beesly**

**RE: YOUR Health**

_JIM._

_If you continue to send me messages that discuss my breasts and include the name "Michael" you will have a tough time getting your hands anywhere near any part of my anatomy. Not to mention what I'll do to you._

_Consider yourself warned._

_He's been hovering all day, trying to get me to spill all the details about us. How does he do it? How does he even know we're together now? I sure didn't tell him; hmmm…unless someone from the crew let something spill? Or could it be Jan? That's probably how it happened. _

_By the way, he LOVES Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Next Friday is National Denim Day and he bought himself a new pair of Levis. _

_Wait - it gets better. They're distressed. With a rip in the knee. It's killing me. I can't keep a straight face._

_Oh my God. Dwight came in today wearing a biohazard suit. Someone left something in the fridge that went rancid and he's conducting experiments. Where you ask? In the men's bathroom. You should see poor Kevin. I know I'll regret it but I took pity on him. I stood watch and let him use the ladies room. _

_When people see this documentary they are going to think the entire thing is staged. It's so sad and oddly fascinating that every minute is true._

_I still can't believe there aren't people like this in the Stamford Office. I'll have to judge for myself. If it's true how do you deal with the monotony day after day?_

_As for when you'll see me I'm driving up Friday after work. I hope the traffic isn't bad. If it is you'll just have to call and entertain me. _

_And I'm warning you - clean out that closet because I'm bringing a few boxes with me. _

_I'm serious Jim. I know you haven't even started to put that stuff away. I don't want to have to waste time this weekend sorting through all that junk._

_OK. Enough nagging. See what happens when you ignore me? I become this harpy housewife and I hate it. Do us both a favour and unpack before I get there. Pretty, pretty please?_

_Now - stop imagining me topless and go back to work._

_Love you too._

_xox_

_Pam_

His head is spinning at the image she leaves him with. Wow. She does not play fair. He's getting ready to reply when he sees someone standing in his doorway.

"Becky."

He doesn't like the look on her face. He feels guilty again as he gazes over at her. "What's up?"

"I have to talk to you." She says as she shuts the door and sits down at the chair across from him.

"Sure."

She's not sure how to start. Ever since Jim's resolved things with Pam he'd been a completely different person. His eyes are full of life and he actually whistles as he walks through the office. She can't even be angry anymore because it's so obvious that they belong together. And now, she feels like the grim reaper, raining on his parade.

"I - umm. I probably shouldn't be doing this but I overheard something and it affects you. I just thought I'd give you a head's up." She says softly.

His brow wrinkles with worry. "OK."

Becky meets his eyes as she says slowly. "They're going to ask you to go back to Scranton."

"What?" His mouth drops open.

"They need someone there to boost sales. You've done too good a job here and you know the area. They're going to ask you to transfer back." She replies. "Please. I shouldn't be telling you this. Just act surprised when they do OK?"

Jim can't believe it. Pam was moving here in a week. They were going to rearrange the apartment; she had been scouring catalogs for new curtains. He'd planned this whole romantic night for when the day she moved in.

"I can't do that. Pam is…" He trails off, still a bit uncomfortable talking to Becky about her.

"I know. She's starting here in two weeks. I'm sorry…" She says as she stares in her lap. He can tell by the tone of her voice that she means it.

Pam's internship is for five months. He already couldn't stand being away from her for five minutes let alone until the spring. He'd waited so long to be with her he didn't want to spend one more day apart than they had to.

Scranton? Really? They were going to make him move back there? And what would be different - besides the fact that they'd now have the opposite problem. Pam would be in Stamford and he'd be in Scranton - still two hours apart.

He couldn't ask her to give up her internship. He wouldn't even dare to. She deserved it. She had so much talent and he could not get over the look on her face when she was drawing. She'd begun to bring her sketchbooks with her when she visited him. He'd never seen her so happy.

Jim is roused from his thoughts as he hears Becky stirring. She smoothes the fabric of her skirt as she stands. "I guess you have some stuff to think about."

Jim leans an elbow on his desk and covers his mouth with his hand, "Yeah. I guess so."

As she starts to leave he calls out after her. "Hey…Becky?"

She turns back slowly. "Yeah?"

"Thanks." He says softly. "For…everything."

"You're welcome." It's odd that so few words have such an effect but she feels better than she has in weeks. Before today she'd been dragging her feet but she's suddenly excited at the prospect of the date she has tonight with the bartender. She turns back again and smiles widely. "Be happy Jim."

As she walks off he stares at his computer, the witty reply he'd planned for Pam is lost to him now. He sits there and murmurs to himself. "I'm trying to be."


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: OK. So I got realllllly sappy and a tad overly dramatic here. Oh well. I can't control what comes out when I start something like this. It just is what it is._

_You can take it or leave it. Whatever you choose. Whatever you do I hope - as always - that you enjoy it. (: There'll probably be a 10th chapter - an epilogue of sorts._

_I like nice, round even numbers. ;)_

_Tonight it struck me that every idea I have essentially destroys the whole concept of The Office as we know it. Jim and Pam move on…the rest of them get left in the dust. _

_I guess the reason I write is because it's what we'll never see._

_OK - enough babbling. Let me let you read already. (:_

**Chapter Nine**

"It was really…" Pam sighs as she reaches across the table and links her fingers with his. "I don't know - just…awkward. And you know for sure he accused me of cheating on him with you for years. That's the first place his mind would go."

Jim fights to keep his mind on her words. He can tell she's upset about running into Roy today in the parking lot.

"He said all these mean, hateful things to me and if it had been four months ago I'd have broken down and cried. But as I stood there I just kept thinking…this is why. This is why he wasn't right for you. No one who claims they love you should ever speak to you like that."

"No. Of course not." He says then.

She realizes though he's right across the table from her he's a million miles away. "Jim?"

"Huh?"

"You're not even paying attention to me." She says it with concern rather than accusation. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He lies. He smiles slightly and gives her hand a squeeze. "So tell me more about Dwight."

"Don't do that." She shakes her head and pulls her hand away.

He sighs and leans back in his chair. "Do what?"

"Change the subject. I know now for sure you're not listening. I'm in the middle of telling you Roy stood in the parking lot and called me a two-timing whore in front of most of the office and you're asking me about _Dwight_."

Jim blinks and begins to focus. His blood starts pumping furiously through his veins. "Did he really say that to you?"

She gives him a look. "Pretty much."

"If he was here right now…" Jim begins, his voice shaking with rage.

"You'd what? Beat the crap out of him? That's productive..." Pam rolls her eyes. "…not to mention unlikely."

"I'm not going to let him talk to you that way…" Jim promises her.

"I'd love to see you accomplish that. What will you do? Rip out his tongue?" Her eyes are lit with annoyance. She takes a deep breath and tries again. "Jim, I don't care what he says about me." She says softly.

Jim's eyes widen at her words. He bites his lip and lets out a breath. "Yeah? Well too bad. I do."

"OK. Are we really going to do this? Let him ruin our evening?" She asks him then. They sit in silence as the busboy comes over to clear their salads. Pam leans closer and speaks in a hushed tone. "Because I didn't come all the way up here to waste time arguing about someone who doesn't matter."

"I can't believe this isn't bothering you." Jim says incredulously as he wipes his mouth with his napkin.

"Did I say that?" Pam blows out a breath and plays with the stem of her wineglass. "It bothers me - but not enough to get all riled up about it. He's moved on and wants to act like a twelve year old. I've moved on and want to act like an adult. Do I like him making a spectacle of himself in the parking lot? No. I don't." Her eyes brim with tears as she stares at him. "I hate it. I hate being the center of attention if you haven't noticed that already. And as much as he made me just that today at the office - "She tilts her head to side to side, cringing when she sees the people at the next table turn away as if they weren't eavesdropping. "…**_you're_** doing the same thing right now in this restaurant."

He realizes she's right. He inhales deeply trying to calm himself down. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"You should be." She says her voice still laced with annoyance. She smiles as the waiter places down her entrée. When he moves away she picks her fork up and gazes over at Jim, her eyes icy. "Mind telling me what's going on now?"

"It can wait." He says sadly as he moves his pasta around his plate. His appetite has completely disappeared.

She stares at him thoughtfully, her eyes filling up. "I forget…" She whispers with a shake of her head.

"What?" He asks, not understanding.

She bites her lip and blinks furiously to keep the tears from spilling over. "That as well as I know you I don't know everything. I'm still trying to figure out your moods." Her eyes roam over him and she notices for the first time tonight that he looks exhausted. His shoulders are hunched and there are circles under his eyes. "This isn't about Roy."

"No. Not really." Jim admits as he puts his fork down. It's useless. He's not going to be able to eat a bite.

"It's…something else." Panic fills her as she swallows audibly. "Did I do something?"

His eyes lock with hers. "If you really want to piss me off you'll keep that up." He says, his voice dangerously soft.

Pam's eyes fly open in shock. She's not used to hearing him talk like this. "What?"

"Blaming yourself for everything - jumping to the conclusion that it must be something **you **did immediately." He throws down his napkin. "I can't stand it when you do that. I can't stand him for doing that to you."

This is not how she wanted tonight to go. They have so little time together she hates that they've spent this whole night arguing. She says the first thing she can think of to make it right.

"I'm sorry." She says as she hangs her head.

It was not the right thing to say. Jim's still incredibly irritated. "And it's even worse when you do that. Apologize for speaking your mind." He sighs as he gets the waiter's attention and asks for a check. Neither of them speaks as the busboy rushes to pack their dinners to go.

When he places the bag in front of Jim he looks over at Pam. She looks so...hurt and he knows he's the reason. He can kick himself for ruining their evening.

He takes a deep breath, knowing this is not going to be easy. He reaches for her hand and rubs his finger over her palm gently. "Pam. I'm sorry. It's not you. It's the opposite - actually…"

She searches his face for an answer but she's still incredibly confused.

He reaches for his wallet and throws a few bills on the table. "I'll tell you. Let's…just not do it here."

"OK." She nods as she lets him lead her out to the car.

xoxoxoxoxo

She thinks that he'll start talking when they get back to his apartment. But - he doesn't. Instead as soon as they get inside he pushes her up against the door and presses his lips to hers desperately.

Pam is confused, and a little afraid. She doesn't know why she expected it to be simple now that they were together but she honestly did. Something's wrong. The words keep repeating in the back of her mind even as she finds herself responding to him.

Her hands move to loosen his tie, her fingers fumble over the buttons of his shirt. She pushes the fabric off his shoulders and then reaches for his belt.

He catches her hands in his and gathers her in his arms, half dragging her across the room and lowering her onto the couch. She knows now that something is terribly wrong because his eyes are closed. He's not looking at her. He always looks at her, especially at times like this. Suddenly, his hands are everywhere, gentle but possessive over her skin and her head falls back as he feasts on her throat. His lips move back to hers and it's then she can almost taste it. He's trying to tell her something. Something awful.

He's sick…is her first horrific thought. Not just sick - it must be bad. Oh God - maybe he's dying…she thinks next. She clutches him close as he moves over her, desperation hanging in the air around them. As he becomes still and buries his face in the crook of her neck she digs her nails into his shoulders, as if that will keep him there forever. Her mind screams out to whoever will listen. I just got him. I can't lose him already. Before she can stop herself she's actually sobbing.

It's then he finally notices she's nearly hysterical. He's surprised at her reaction and rushes to comfort her. "Hey." He whispers as he raises himself on his forearms. He shifts to lie next to her and gently pulls her close. "_Hey_…"

"You can't leave me." She finally manages as she reaches for him again. "You just can't."

He smoothes her hair off her face and looks deeply into her eyes. Even though he knows he's lying he hears himself say. "Hey. It's OK. I'm not going to leave you."

"Something's wrong." She shakes her head at him and fights to catch her breath. "Don't lie to me Jim. Something's really wrong I can tell."

He gazes down at her and notices for the first time that she still half dressed, and there's a tear at the hem of her skirt. He's horrified at the realization that he's just treated her incredibly carelessly. He takes a moment and looks at the state he's in himself and can't believe the way he's acted.

He stands up and straightens his clothes, becoming increasingly embarrassed in the process. She stares at him as he does, still not understanding what just happened here.

Quietly, she rises from the couch and moves to the bathroom, changing into the t-shirt he'd left hanging on the door and splashing cold water on her face.

A few minutes later she tentatively makes her way over to him.

"I don't want to disappoint you." Jim begins as he catches a glimpse of her out the corner of his eye.

"You couldn't." She shakes her head at him.

"I might." He says bitterly.

Pam realizes now she has jumped to conclusions. She's just so confused she doesn't know what to think. She remembers how she lost it a few minutes ago and she fights to explain herself. "Maybe I overreacted a little before. But you seemed so...lost and I was scared because you wouldn't talk to me. I still don't…get you - yet. Not completely. But I want to. So make me understand. Tell me what's going on." She whispers.

He extends his hand to her and she grabs it and holds on tight, coming to rest on the couch next to him.

It should be like a band aid. He thinks to himself. Just suck it up and rip it off quickly. "They want me to transfer back to Scranton." He says softly.

"What?" She looks at him with surprise.

"They told me today. They need someone to boost sales down there. They say I'm too good a salesman. Isn't that ironic?" He laughs bitterly as he brings her hand to his lips and kisses it quickly before letting her go. "I excel at something I can't stand doing."

"Then don't do it." She says simply. Is this all he was worried about? She thinks with a shake of her head. His reaction to something like that is ravaging her on the couch? If that's his way with dealing with things she's not going to complain but in retrospect it seems a little melodramatic.

Who are you calling melodramatic Pam? Like you thinking he was dying is a perfectly rational conclusion? She laughs softly to herself. God, we are some pair.

He doesn't understand what she's saying. He looks at her blankly.

"You don't have to transfer back to Scranton, Jim. Just don't go." She says with a shrug. "Quit."

"I can't…" He begins, but he can't finish his thought.

She wipes at her eyes and can't believe that he's been so tortured over something so trivial. "Can't what? Want something different? Want something more? Sure you can. As a matter of fact I think that's exactly what you should do."

He still can't believe he's heard her right. "You want me to quit my job?"

"If that's what will keep you from moving away the minute I get here. Yeah. I do." She says with a nod.

"Just like that?" He says then.

"Yeah. Just like that. Jim - let's face it. We both have the same horrible flaw." She pushes her hair out of her eyes as she gazes over at him. "We think **_way_** too much."

He finally smiles as an image of Michael fills his head. "Better than not thinking at all."

"True." She smiles back at him. "But I think it keeps us standing still sometimes when the best thing we could do is move."

What she's saying doesn't make sense and he rarely does things that don't make sense.

Still he finds himself thinking out loud. "I do have some money saved - but not much. That ticket to Australia cleaned out my bank account." He laughs as he moves closer to her. "See what happens when I act impulsively and don't stop to think?"

"OK. Point taken. Maybe we can find a happy medium." Pam replies. "I know for a fact that you can do anything you want to do Jim - anything you put your mind to. You do an amazing job at something you can't stand. Can you even imagine what it would be like if you did something you loved?"

She's slightly ashamed that she doesn't know the answer as she asks him. "What would you love to do?"

It only takes him seconds to answer her. "Kids." He says simply.

"Huh?"

"I like kids." He says then. He gives her a sideways glance. "In a completely appropriate, non-threatening, non-pedophilic way of course."

"Good to know - you had me worried for a second." She says with a laugh. "C'mon. Tell me more."

"I think…I'd like to work at a school - like, maybe teaching or maybe just coaching. I don't know. Or…like an after school program - you know - all those kids who's parents work and need a place to hang out. It'd be pretty cool."

"Then why don't you do that." Pam says as if it's already decided.

"Really?" He says then, still unconvinced.

She stands and moves over to him tilting her face up to his. "There's this guy I know? He always gives me the best advice."

"Really." He smirks at her.

"And to top it all off he's really cute." She says with a grin, getting lost in his eyes for a second. She shakes her head to focus. "Anyway, he's told me, on more than one occasion, that I have an amazing gift." She whispers as she leans into him.

"Oh yeah?" He replies, his eyebrows rising.

"Yeah. And then one day he told me I needed to take a chance on something sometime. That if I didn't I'd be a receptionist for the rest of my life." She continues.

"He sounds very wise." Jim says thoughtfully, his arms winding around her waist.

She kisses him quickly and gives him a look. "Now - being that I'm an exceptional receptionist…"

"No question." He interjects.

"…I kept thinking…how could I leave all the glamour behind? I mean, the…prestige. All those cringe worthy moments only Michael is capable of creating?"

"It's a lot to give up." He laughs as he looks at her face. She's trying to be so serious.

"It took me a while - but I finally listened to him." She says as she kisses him again.

"It was a tough sell." Jim says as he kisses her back.

"Ah yes. But even though you are the world's best salesman it doesn't mean that's what you have to do for the rest of your life." She giggles as his mouth moves towards her ear.

He nibbles gently at her neck before he pulls back to gaze into her eyes again. "You think we can survive? I mean, I don't know if I can keep you living in the manner you've become accustomed. We might have to live on grilled cheese sandwiches."

"Well that might not be so bad. You do make excellent ones." She says as a new idea sparks in her mind. "Hey. Maybe instead you can specialize in cuisine using imitation cheese. I mean think of the possibilities. What could be next? Exploring the glories of Cheez Whiz?"

He looks at her as if she's crazy. "Those were quality Kraft singles I'll have you know."

She can't help it. She starts laughing uncontrollably. "My apologies to the chef."

He tightens his hold and gives her a kiss that steals her breath. "I have the feeling you're going to be good for me Beesly." He says softly as he pulls away.

"Hmmm. That only seems fair, since I already know you're good for me." She replies as she lays her head on is his chest, never more content in her life. And just like that she figures it all out. She knows it really doesn't matter at all what either of them ends up doing.

It's just being together that counts.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Here you go. An extra serving of fluff, fluff and more fluff. _

_I think I'm done…for now. :)_

**Chapter Ten**

_**Epilogue**_

_**Six years later…**_

It was her favorite time of day. Pam sits at the edge of Emma's bed and smiles. "Did you have a good day sweetie?"

"Uh huh." Emma nods, her curls bobbing as she did. "Hey Ma - are you going to tell me a story or not?"

"Sure." Pam bites back a laugh. Her child was so demanding. "Which one do you want to hear?" She asks, dreading having to cross the room to pick a book from the shelf.

"The one about you and Daddy." She says with a sigh.

She needn't have worried. She knew that one by heart. Pam should have guessed. Emma asked for that same story every other night.

"OK. Are you ready?" She asks as she scrunches up her nose.

Emma nods again.

"Once upon a time…" Pam begins. "I was just sitting there, minding my own business…"

"Were not." Emma interjects, shaking her head. "You were answering the phone."

"Right. Excuse me. I was just sitting there answering the phone when this really tall, really handsome man came up and talked to me."

"And he was funny." Emma smiles. She knows without question that her father is the funniest in the whole wide world.

Pam nods her head. "Yes. He was really funny. He made me laugh all day long."

"AND not only that - he battled the horrible, terrible - most evil of all…_Dwight'_." Emma says her voice full of disgust and a twinge of fear.

Pam narrows her eyes at her daughter. "Why do I suddenly have the feeling that your father has told you a different version of this story?"

"He tells it different - but it still ends the same. You were bestest friends." Emma says softly, her voice pleading with her mother to continue.

"We were." She agrees her eyes dreamy.

"You still are - even though you're married now." Emma says authoritatively.

"That's right. Though we were silly and took a long time to get there."

"I won't be that silly. When I grow up I'll figure it out right away." Emma replies, sounding very sure of herself.

Pam bites back a laugh. It's easy to be so sure when you're barely five. "I hope you're right baby." She says as she bends down and presses a kiss to her nose. "Now. Go to sleep."

"'Kay." Emma snuggles down and shuts her eyes tight.

The smile still fills Pam's face as she carefully stands and moves to the door, clicking the light off and shutting the door behind her.

She waddles her way to the bedroom, her hand resting on the small of her back. Pam enters the room and gives Jim a look.

"What?" He says with a smile.

"You suck." She mutters matter-of-factly as she makes her way over to him.

She looks so adorable when she's pregnant he can't even take it. She also looks incredibly pissed off.

Still he can't help himself from teasing her. "So you're fond of saying." He laughs.

She glares at him and eases down onto the bed. "How many weeks am I now? A thousand?"

He bites his lip and ponders her question. "No. I believe it's still thirty-two." He rests his hand on her stomach rubbing a small circle over it. He is rewarded with a resounding kick and he smiles widely. "At least that's what it was this morning."

"You are absolutely no help. This is entirely your fault." Her voice is annoyed, but her actions belie her words as she inches closer to him.

Jim gives her a look of disbelief. "Ummm. I don't _think_ so."

"OK. Fine. I was there too. But still…" She pouts.

His eyes sparkle as he remembers the night fondly. "You weren't just there. You were out of control. I mean, honestly. I was afraid for my life for a second."

"Oh shut it." Pam cuts him off and curls into him resting her head on his shoulder. Her hand reaches out to trace the buttons on his shirt. "Atticus?"

"Uh - no. That's just cruel." Jim's chest rumbles as he laughs at her.

"Bradley?"

He ponders for a second. "Keep going."

"Charles?" She asks hopefully. She thinks Charlie is a cute name.

He thinks she's cute when she does this every night - goes through the alphabet searching for names. Charles could work, actually. "That's better. Next?"

"Dwight?" She says simply.

"That's not funny." Jim's eyes fill with horror as he eases away from her.

"C'mon. He'd be so honored." Pam keeps going, fighting back laughter.

"NO WAY." He shakes his head vehemently.

"Oh alright." She sighs and runs a hand over her belly as she says in a hushed whisper. "I'll just call you that when your father isn't around."

Jim face pales and he looks like he might be sick.

She finally gives in as she sits up and smiles. "Stop filling our daughter's head with nonsense then."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks innocently.

"Horrible, terrible - most evil of all _Dwight_?" She gives him a look.

Ah. So this is where it's coming from. "She deserves to know the truth." He shrugs.

"Jim. You're going to give her nightmares." She scolds him.

"She needs to be prepared. I mean. Stamford isn't that far from Scranton. She might have to interact with a Schrute of her own someday. I'm just giving her the proper tools to defend herself."

He sounds so serious she's not sure he's joking. "You are insane." She says with a sigh as she lays back down on the pillows, suddenly exhausted.

"I'm insane about you." He whispers as he leans down and presses a kiss to her lips. "That is for sure."

"Who would have guessed…?" She says softly, her voice getting groggy. She turns her back to him and grabs his hand, pulling his arm around her waist as she closes her eyes.

"From what people say - pretty much anyone with eyes." He whispers against the nape of her neck. He knows exactly what she's referring to. She remembers the way they tell the story to Emma and he smiles.

"We were so stupid." She yawns and snuggles closer.

He nods and kisses her shoulder. "Yeah - pretty much. But we got it eventually."

"And that's what counts." Pam says with a smile as she drifts off.

"Yeah." He agrees as he holds her close. "That's what counts."


End file.
